Who Gets More Attention? Your Phone or Your Kids?

In today’s digital world, our phones are almost always within arm’s reach. They keep us connected, entertained, and informed — but they also carry an unexpected cost, especially when it comes to the people we love most: our families.

It’s easy to lose track of time when scrolling through social media, checking emails, or reading news updates. What feels like “just a few minutes” can easily turn into hours throughout the day. Unfortunately, that time often comes at the expense of meaningful moments with our children and family members — moments we can never get back.

The Subtle Drift Away

Children, especially when they are young, thrive on connection. They notice when we are physically present but emotionally absent. A child may tug at your sleeve or call your name while you're staring at a screen, only to eventually give up. Over time, these small and missed opportunities accumulate. What could have been a conversation, a laugh, or a shared memory quietly slips away.

It’s not just about missing out on milestones like a first word or a winning goal at a soccer game. It’s also the everyday interactions — the way your child lights up when they tell you about their day, or the silent comfort of just being together — that form the foundation of strong, loving relationships.

The Message We Send

When we prioritize our phones over our families, even unintentionally, we send a message: Something else is more important than you. Kids and partners may not always express it outright, but they feel it. Over time, this can lead to feelings of neglect, resentment, or a sense that they are competing with a device for attention.

Studies have shown that "techno-ference" — interruptions in face-to-face interactions due to technology — can negatively impact family dynamics and emotional bonds. Kids who feel ignored may act out for attention or withdraw entirely, believing that their feelings and experiences don't matter.

Reclaiming Family Time

The good news is that small, intentional changes can make a big difference. Here are a few strategies:

• Create Phone-Free Zones: Designate certain times or places — like during meals or before bedtime — as phone-free to encourage uninterrupted conversation and presence.

• Be a Role Model: Children mirror adult behaviors. By showing that you value real-world interactions over virtual ones, you teach them to do the same.

• Set Boundaries: Let work contacts or friends know when you’re unavailable because you're spending time with your family. Emergencies are rare; most things can wait.

• Be Mindful: Pay attention to how often you reach for your phone. Sometimes just being aware can help you make different choices.

Conclusion

Phones are incredible tools, but they should never be more important than the people sitting right in front of us. I would challenge you to be aware of the amount

of hours you spend scrolling verses the number of hours you spend playing with or talking to your child or teenager. Childhood is fleeting, and family relationships need nurturing. Every moment we choose to look up instead of down is an investment in stronger bonds, happier homes, and richer lives.

The texts, emails, and social media feeds will still be there later. But your child’s laugh, your spouse’s story about their day, the sparkle of a family game night — those moments are irreplaceable.

Choose to be present. Choose your family.

Lisa Mears, Family Life Coach